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So one day, back before Czar Constantin Chernenko got to room temperature, he calls Andrei Gromyko into his office. He looks worried. "Andrei Sergeievich, sit down", he says. "We have a terrible problem."

Gromyko looks puzzled -- he hasn't heard of any problem. "What is it, Comrade General Secretary?"

"Andrei, it's all these time zones, and international date lines, and all. Something has to be done about it."

Now Gromyko's really puzzled. "But, Comrade," he says, "there have always been time zones, and there has to be a date line somewhere. What can we do about it? And how can time zones be such a problem?" "Oh, Andrei," says Chernenko, "it's just so damn confusing. I can't keep track of it all. For instance, when Indira Gandhi was shot, I phoned to give my condolences -- I was a day late! So embarassing! And when the Pope was shot, I phoned to give my condolences -- I was a day early!"

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