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ROSWELL, N.M. (AP) -- Today, the United States Air Force issued a long-awaited report about the "Roswell Incident" in which some people claim that software from Microsoft functioned correctly in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. As expected, the government's 261-page report denied that there had ever been any evidence that this had ever happened, despite eyewitness reports to the contrary. The report claims that what witnesses actually saw was an experimental Macintosh running a variation of Unix, or perhaps an experimental Unix machine using a form of the MacOS.

Although the official Air Force position is that this is their final report on the matter, long-time Microsoft devotees are not satisfied. "We know it really happened," said Gil Bates, spokesman for a group of Microsoft enthusiasts who call themselves "The .exe-files". The group's claim of having seen Windows run without crashing is tainted by the revelation earlier this year that some members had falsified evidence by doctoring output from standard Unix utilities and passing it off as authentic Windows data files.

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