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The Top 10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO

  1. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

  2. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

  3. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

  4. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

  5. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."

  6. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

  7. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

  8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

  9. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m"s on them.

And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO......

  1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.

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